What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 28.06.2025 03:22
She loved him until the end.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
My life is so biszare .
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Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
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I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
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He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
We were not on the streets..
What is the STAR interview method?
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
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Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
So whats the point in blame.
She married twice! .
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It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Atque nihil laudantium distinctio sapiente similique molestiae.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I was very sick at this time too.
All the time i was locked up.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Why are people saying that Trump is fat when he is an athletic 6 foot 3 and 215 pounds?
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
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I was writing from the time i was a small child.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
When she asked me how she looked .
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
It was going to be , some day.
Comes on , in middle age.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
She was in good health!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
And i lived it daily.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I write beautiful poetry .
Would this be the day?
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
He knew the spot.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
My family never makes their pension either.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Ive learnt so much.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
But it wasn’t much.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I was scared of men, in general
Who then, do I blame.?
I will be 64.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I waited trembling.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I don,t even have a pension.
I think the readers, may guess!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I said to her
But, we were locked up after school.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Was to survive, this bastard.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I was seconnd youngest,
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
(And it was in our own minds.)
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I did it because my mum asked me too!
She found it foreign!.
I never cut or harmed myself..
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
This is soul school!.
She wouldn,t have been !
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Why did i forgive my father ?
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
But ive been too sick for many years..
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
We all went to grammer schools
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I was 9 years of age.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
He resisted the act ,that day.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I have no regrets .
One cannot live in the past .
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
What did i know ?
So, i spoilt her more .
Put me off passion for life!!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I could never make a relationship work though!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Im still living with it.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I couldn’t, believe it.